~February 27, 2009 - 7:23 PM Y
*~* "It's twilight," Edward noted. "It's the safest time for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" *~*
*~* "I like the night," Bella replied.
"Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." *~*
DAMN I HATE PEOPLE AROUND ME!
So many bad things happened to me today!
I bought a rose rubber band on last Saturday and guess what.
I now then know, because someone finally tell me, that the rose on my hair looks funny.
I bloody humilated myself for the bloody fucking whole week and no one told me the bloody fucking truth.
THE BLOODY WORSE PART IS I DID ASK AROUND IF THE ROSE IS NICE OR NOT AND ALL SAID "YA NICE~!" OR "HEY YOUR RUBBER BAND VERY NICE"
FUCK LA!
LOOK FUNNY OR WHAT JUST TELL ME!
DON'T IN FRONT OF ME PRAISE IT LIKE AS THOUGH IT'S THE FACT THEN BEHIND MY BACK KEEP GOSSIPING HOW BAD IT LOOKED.
AT LEAST IN 1 OF THE WHOLE LOT TOLD ME THE TRUTH BUT ISN'T IT A LITTLE TOO LATE AFTER LIKE 1 BLOODY FULL WEEK HAS ALREADY, IN FACT, PASSED?!
Truthfully speaking, I don't blame them.
I blame myself, for actually being so nieve to believe that they are actually being nice from deep down.
I have opened my eyes wide but not wide enough to see.
How I wish I can last being alone, being able to accept the fact that I actually AM invisible to that whole lot of people.
I really should have gotten used to being alone but I'm just too stupid to do that and instead, in the end always making myself the one who suffers.
The "best" news today is, I lost my Ez-Link card.
Hoorah, I lost my ez-Link card.
No one have any idea how much I despise myself.
I hate myself so much till the core that it makes me feels sick from deep down.
I hate myself so much until I always push all the blame on myself and making myself suffer in the end. After suffering, I complain.
I hate myself so much that I try to care more for how people feel more than I care for myself. (Just that people doesn't know or they doesn't care at all)
I hate myself for everything I try to do for others and always ending up in trouble myself.
I hate myself for always loosing my temper when I reached the brink of my limits.
I hate myself for not keeping everything to myself so that I can just one day die of depression.
I hate myself for every actions and words that I used just to try to make people smile and not myself.
I hate myself for not keeping my mouth shut forever because I am such a chatter-box.
I hate myself for the things I do and end up getting taken for grunted and/or unappreciated.
Well, this IS my life.
Always transparent, always alone, always blaming myself for things.
I believe that most of the bad things that happened to me actually is the cause of me.
It's all my fault.
Even if it isn't, some how in some ways, it still is.
That's why I despise myself so much.
*~*There are things in life that are inevitable. Though it's tough and avoiding always seems the only solution. The real truth is facing it will make it better.*~*
