Today is another bad day, though I tried to make myself happier but things just doesn't go well.


Anyway, I am more excited for something else!


New Moon movie is going to be out on 20/11/09.


I AM getting Breaking Dawn soon and Midnight Sun once there is stock or it's published.


I guess I really am using reading as like a distraction from thinking of that someone.


About today's bad stuff, I'll just let it pass..


Don't really feel like talking about it.


-Currently waiting for Breaking Dawn

Yesterday I went out with him again, I really want breaking dawn very badly so I this time went to the extreme.


I went from Parkway all the way to Toa Payo just to find that book but every store that we went said the same thing


"Sorry that book is out of stock."
Then I will ask the same question over and over "then do you know when is the next shipping?"
"Sorry, we do not know the real shipment date, it should arrive at about beginning or mid February"
"Okay, thanks.." always said in disappointment.


I got tired after that and I become moody, I saw his eyes..


He looked at me with guilt like as though it's his fault for making me so moody, but it isn't.


I just have some things in mind, he asked me to say it out, I just can't say it - I can but not to him..


It turned out a very sad day, he escort me home again but this time round it felt different.


I don't know how to explain it but it's just... different..


Anyway, I don't know when I started the habit of not liking to be home and I will go from place to place to study and read.


Later on, I WAS supposed to go Changi Airport ALONE but I thought of him and decide to ask him if he wants to come along.


I told him it's not nesessary to go out with me this time, I am just going to study not book hunting but he said he wanted to come along.


I AM happy that he wants to come along but there is just a certain feeling bothering me.


I don't want to type it out here.. =)


-Still reading Eclipse, waiting for Breaking Dawn and the 5th book which the name I forgotten

Today woke up early, as usual.


I still don't know the real reason why after HE break up with me, I can never sleep past 9am, I will automatically wake up in between 8-9am.


Anyway, I went to dad's house for the house visits and this is worse, it's even more boring then going with my mother's side family, I am closer to my mother's side of the family that's why.


Anyway after the house visits, I went out with Ming Chuan again because he asked me out yesterday already and I promised.


I don't really like breaking promises as they are made not ment to be broken and I never would want anyone breaking my promise so I wouldn't even think of breaking the promise I made.


Anyway, we do not have a clue where we want to go, so I decide to go on a book hunt again only this time is different.


I wasn't looking for anything else except Breaking Dawn.


We started off with Bugis, then walked to Sun Tec, then walked to City Link, then walked to City Hall, then walked to Bras Plaza, then took the trian to Plaza Singapura, then walked to Center Point, then walked to Takashimaya, then walked to Paragon, then walked to Wisma then lastly took the train to Vivo.


My foot hurts because I was wearing heels and I tolerate as much as I could but there is a few period of times where my legs couldn't carry me and tolerate the pain any longer then we sat down and started chatting.


The longest chat was at Wisma, because that is the place that brought back a lot of memories I had with HIM and there are seats near the lift so I just sat down.


I told Ming Chuan what was actually bothering me and why I was so quiet today, he comforted me with those words I know long ago - like what I should do and things that I shouldn't do.


I know those stuff already and he knows that I know and he knows that I like to hear them.


Anyway, the book hunt wasn't that sucessful like Twilight or Eclipse because ALL of the outlets in Singapore says that Breaking Dawn is out of stock and there will not be any stock till Febuary.


I intend to go on a book hunt next week again to find that one bloody book I wanted so badly.


Today I had fun, talking and joking around with him, I laughed a lot.


I want to read Eclipse SLOWLY so that I will not finish it so fast because I have to wait for the next book to be in stock.


*sigh*


Anyway we went to Pizza Hut for dinner and he insist it's his treat but I insisted I pay half and shoved the money in his hand but he dodged and walked really fast that I can't catch up, then I give up.


Bought KFC for my family and went home.


Same thing, he escort me home again but this time is not until my void deck outside the left but in the lift with me and up to the story I live on.


I pressed 1 and the lift door closed quickly, anyway I really thank him a lot for always accompanying me and being there for me.


Bryan too, my SFF, always there for me. =)


-Still reading Eclipse, most of the time my mind is blank

Today is a total bore!


I thought of sleeping longer in the morning but I don't know what happened I woke up at 8am and I couldn't sleep back so I read Eclipse.


The whole day I was thinking of playing card games right after the house visits but my sister is in a hurry to come home and end up I didn't get to play.


It wasn't really counted as "play" because we used money, well - gamble, but that is like 2 years ago.


Last year I didn't celebrate Chinese New Year anyway, I went overseas - Afamosa.


Anyway, I thought of having fun actually but it seems that this year's Chinese New Year is merely a day to take red packets from the adult then I can just sit back and do my thing, stare.

When travelling from place to place in my step father's car, I closed my eyes and my mind was blank.


I can hear my sister and my cousin joking around and my mother yelling at my step dad but all along, I am just as empty as ever.


Anyway, after all the visits I read Eclipse for awhile and it's time to go home, I guess I have become very anti-social recently I just feel it's only me in my world and I like it a lot.


I realised that a lot of times all I need to do is close my eyes and listen to the quiet, ignoring the noises.


Anyway, when I am bored, Ming Chuan automatically messages me.


Though the replies are late but I would spent that few seconds or minuted messaging back to pass the time.


It seems like a lot of time he just know what the right thing to say and at the correct time, I am just so very glad that he is still my friend after so many years of neglect.


Anyway, I wish all a Happy Chinese New Year.


-Reading Eclipse halfway though

I cannot believe my eyes that it's 3am in the morning already!


It's been a long time since I stayed up till so "early"!


Anyway I finished New Moon faster than I expected!


I could actually finish a 500 over near 600 over pages within like 24 hours (excluding the time I wasn't reading).


Anyway I nearly cried out while reading but so happy at the same time, Nazri (Bam Bam) was right about the story, it just gets better and better. =)


*YAWN* I really think I should sleep because tommrrow it's going to be a sleepless night with all the gambling with my cousins, ang paos and so much entertainment.


I hope I do not miss out too much tomorrow due to the "little" sleep I'm getting from reading New Moon.


Haha!


I wish I met someone like Edward Cullen, really will die living without me, always so perfect, perfect facial features, perfect built body, perfect velvet melodic voice, especially the perfect sweet character of a prince charming I would ever dreamt of.


Not to mention he is freaking rich.


Haha! Too bad such guys extinct in my world, I know there is no longer such guys in this world already (I thought wei jie was like this but he is just far from it).


*IMAGINING* Wei Jie is ugly, poor and he just acts nice around people "new" to his life. Of course he doesn't give a damn about me anymore since I WAS a product to him only.


Anyway, I know I deserve better and I AM working hard towards changing my bad or negetive attitude towards things already.


I know I will not be far before a better guy ask me to be his girlfriend but I will reject to that idea because I know what lies in front of me is much more crutial than having a boyfriend.


O'level it is I am talking about. =)


-Currently reading Eclipse

Just had reunion dinner with my family, it wasn't really what I expect it to be.


Just can't forget the steamboat and everything last year.


HOWEVER! This year is just take outs and the "lao yu shen" with lots of abalone.


I didn't eat as much as usual, I just guess my appetite just decreased after, he broke up with me.


I'll just take it as I'm on a diet, haha!


I was reading all along since 4pm to estimated 9pm, I can hardly put the book down.


I feel so sad for Bella, Edward broke up with her and she is suffering so much that I feel like crying for her.


Well aren't I going through that process now? LOL


Anyway today my mood was just.. BLANK.


No emotions no nothing, just me and my book.


I really feel I am more anti-social than before, I do not really find much need talking to people already.


I mostly just kept everything to myself, feeling motonously and restless..


*sigh* - Just can't believe.. forget it..


Anyway, tomorrow will be a better and brighter day to start off with and I will try to be as happy-go-lucky as ever.


-Still reading New Moon..

I'm so happy this week!


Ha!


It's like since a very long time I felt this way, without the help of a boyfriend.


Recently I just feel that my life is so free and I can do whatever I want.


I understand myself more now that at times I just want someone I know to be near me and not speak even a word.


This year's art is going to be tougher than last year's one and I am going to work on that after I finish blogging.


Recently I have been slacking and enjoying too much already and I think it's time I start doing stuff I should do.


I remember it started off with Monday me waking up, looking into the mirror and smiling at myself for no reason and my whole day brightens up.


End up I did that every morning for this week and I just realised that I should do it everyday.


I like the lifestyle of a happy-go-lucky girl and no matter what bad things or names people call me I just continued being myself and ending up being closer friends with them.


I also realised that actually nobody hates me in school, just that they feel that I'm always so down and monotonous they are just afraid of me.


I this week learnt about myself way more than last time and I just like it this way now.


My life doesn't sucks anymore and I know tomorrow will be a better and brighter day.


Oh!


Tuesday after Ming Chuan finish his school, he and Mi Mi is supposed to accompany me go book hunting but end up Mi Mi didn't show up and "put aeroplane" on Ming Chuan.


End up, Ming Chuan accompany me went book hunting for Twilight at Bugis.


We went to Long John Silver for dinner, he kept insisting he treat me for dinner but I just kept rejecting, he ignore whatever I said and ended up buying my meal for me.


He still escort me home..


On Wednesday after band, I went out with Ai Ling to Singapore Post to eat KFC then went Popular to buy my school necessities and I saw Eclipse!


It's the last book but it's dirty, so tempting to buy but I rather spend that money buying a "CLEAN" one.


Thursday after Ming Chuan finish school, same thing happened, Mi Mi is supposed to accompany me go book hunting for Eclipse at Orchard but "put aeroplane" on Ming Chuan again.


We were finding it at Kinokuniya (I don't know if it's this spelling or name of the book store) and I was finding so hard I just got dizzy looking at the number of books there is.


All of a sudden Eclipse just pop right in front of my face, I stepped back to get a clearer view and then I then realised Ming Chuan is holding onto it.


I still jumped for joy then after that went for dinner and he paid for my dinner again, I feel so guilty for letting him pay for my meals so I told him "drinks is on me, no rejecting!" and he agreed.


After that he STILL escort me home, I can tell by his facial expression he is tired..


Friday~! (which is yesterday)


Mi Mi FINALLY never "put aeroplane" on Ming Chuan then we went Bugis.


I went book hunting again for Breaking Dawn but they still haven't have it so we went walking aimlessly.


After that we just decide to watch movie, Love Matters.


It's very funny and a nice show, kind of like those that carves into my memory.


Then because I have dance class so I have to leave early and Mi Mi have some "dai ji" outside and he have to go too.


I was shocked when Ming Chuan said he is going to escort me home again.


What I ment is, he doesn't have to do that!


It's still day time and I can go home prepare my stuff then go for dance class myself but he just said he feels unsafe for me to go home alone, I insist that he doesn't do that but he didn't listen and still escort me home.


I remember this part the most, he asked me
"where is your dance class at?"
"lavenda.. why?"
"how do you go there?"
"the same way from my home to MRT only further down, at the bus stop."
"you go up, I'll wait for you here then I'll walk you to the bus stop."
"what?! you dont have to do that! I'm fine alone being alone!"
"I just feel it's not safe, you go up and do whatever you need to do. just take your time. I'll be waiting here"
"SERIOUSLY! I'm just fine going there alone! I have been walking this path for like so long and see I'm standing here safe and sound!"
"do you want to wait until something really happened to you then you regret?"


I thought to myself "this isn't getting anywhere because I know he will be waiting" so I message him 'GO HOME!!!' hoping that it will work.


End up after preparing and everything, I went down and THERE HE IS!!!


At that very moment, I just felt that Ming Chuan is like Edward Cullen..


The handsome posture he was sitting, the very beautiful smile he have and the amazing glow coming out from him.


"I thought I told u to go home, I feeling very guilty now because you have waited for me"
"Why are you guilty for??"
"Wei Jie never escort me home before. Can say it's been a long time since anyone, a guy other than my dad or step dad, ever escort me home. I just feel guilty that you are just a friend and you escort me home and still waited for me. I just don't know how to show you back how greatful I am"
"Come on! I just feel it's not safe for you especially this area you are living at. Cant you stop nagging?"


I have nothing more to say so I just shut my mouth, I really am very guilty for letting him escort me home for the 3rd time this week already and now he still waited for me at the void deck AND walked me to the bus stop.


We did joke and talk on the way to the bus stop, I just feel guilty for letting him walk me through and fro near my place..


I just felt there is a mixture of feelings, I am very happy that I felt wanted by another friend and at the same time very guilty for letting him wait for me.


Yesterday is another day yet to be forgotten, I felt wanted again, by a 6 years friend. =D


-Currently reading New Moon already

I know it's been a long time since I blogged.


Recently I learnt a lot, well I can be pissed at Wei Jie for hurting me however I have chosen not to already.


I started studying and reading books and I am doing just fine, more than I expect myself to be actually.


I can't say I totally gotten over him but I know I am moving on.


After scanning through my mobile phone's phone book over and over, I then realised I not only have friend like Bryan (my SFF) being there for me for 5 years.


I realised I still have friends like Ming Chuan and Mi Mi friends with me for 6 years already and never complained one bit.


I found one thing that I never truly find when I was always attached and always one after another, my own happiness.


I always thought happiness can only come from relationships and those happy feeling that comes from someone who will not care for you for long, even though they are very sweet and always give me a very warm feeling when I am with the person I like.


The one thing that I can never do is to let go of..


I always put my whole heart into the relationship ending up losing my friends and they just despise me whenever I do that.


I learnt where I get my happiness and currently I am very fine, above the happiness level I ever imagined.


I can be happy everyday now even when I am alone.


When bad stuff happens I just let it pass and do with what I want, I always crack stupid jokes to Celest during lesson and I am so glad that she laughs at it.


I just adapt the feeling of being single, though envy when times I go out and seeing couples hugging and holding hands, and the feeling of seeing your friend being happy with you just gives this warm fuzzy feeling that you can never get even when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.


I also understand a lot of things like, why have relationship now while you have a whole lot of marriage life right ahead of you and it's a really long time.


Currently I am just enjoying every bit of what I have, a chance to study, my family and friends like Bryan, Ai Ling, Ka Khay, Alicer, Ming Chuan, Mi Mi, Jerlin (Chanel) and many more.


I'll end off here..


-Currently reading Twilight and moving on to New Moon soon.

1st Jan is my birthday which is can say the worse day of my life ba.


That is the day Wei Jie decide not to be with me.


Then I didn't go to school the next day and that following Saturday I realised Wei Jie was lying to me all along.


Whenever I asked him "do you still like me?" and he said "ya".


Ever since the day he broke up with me, he already lost feelings for me and on 31st Dec he dare to ask me for patch.


I got very lost after that, a lot of bad stuff happened to me.


All attacking me at once while I am trying very hard to stand up again.


I at first had turned emo and become depressed.


All I can thought of is dying and I really did intend of suicidal.


I seeked a lot of help and one of the help I remember the clearest is Ka Khay scolding me and another one is of course my SFF Bryan.


I really thanked her for that scolding because after she scold me and I really did think about what I am I really going to do with my life.


I thought through and I have decided I don't care for people who doesn't cherish me at all.


Currently I am learning a lot of things about life, for once I really should pamper myself.


I am always minding what people think or say about me and always trying to change myself to fit in.


I realised that no matter how much I change, that person doesn't cherish me means they never will.


I also learnt from my mistake that people like Wei Jie is a playboy.


At first I thought the "like" he have for me is more like love type but after finding out the "like" he have for me is just lust, made me realised a lot of things also.


Currently I am very happy with what I have, friends like Bryan, Ka Khay, Alicer, Ai Ling and Chanel(Jerlin).


Actually there are can say a lot more but I don't know why I just don't feel like typing their name out.


Also recently I have been so busy with school, I really cannot be bothered with any other stuff other than school work.


What saddens me the most is I thought I gotten over Wei Jie already because I stopped thinking about him since school reopen.


However, last Saturday when I see him my heart aches and all I wanted to do is cry out.


I am so tired!!


My weekly schedule is so packed.

Monday - Band (till 6:30pm)
Tuesday - CCA concert (last Tuesday) & Fort Canning Heritage Tour (yesterday)
Wednesday - Band (till 6:30pm) & Dance Class (8:30pm)
Thursday - It's actually the only day I can rest so I'm going out tommrrow
Friday - Band (till 6:30pm) & Dance Class (8-10pm)
Saturday - Band then Dance Class (5pm-7pm) & Practice Hour (9pm-10pm)
Sunday - Family day


Yikes!


So busy busy busy~!


At the same time very tired, I always have not enough time to finish my homework but it's worth it because I am so busy I dont even care anything else except the things I am doing.


Wei Jie once said "I want to break with you now because I know I won't have time for u" blah blah blah..


Who is the one with not enough time now?!


HAH!

Once, there was a black rose..
It wasn't as beautiful as the other red roses..
Even though it's the only black rose,
nobody seemed to notice it..

The black rose just stood there,
wasting all its remaining life away..

Nobody sees it..
Nobody watered it..
Even the sun wouldn't shine for it..
It was left alone in the darkness..

Slowly...
The petals fell..
The rose wither..

The delicate black rose never spoke a word..
Always trying to hide its flaws..
Always trying to blend in with the red roses..
Still..
It is always being ostracized..
Alone..
Outcast..
Invisible..

Shockingly..
People start noticing the black rose.
A bud start to grow from the stalk..
The bud grew into a new beautiful black rose.
This time, the sun shone brightly for the black rose.
Making it the most beautiful and outstanding one.
Not by the beauty from its physiques..
But from its inner self..

Art Is My Life, Designing Is My Passion, Success Is My Future, Happiness WILL Last Till My Twilight Years

Name: *-* Crystal Chan *-*
Nick: Shirayuki Mizuki, 瑞希 白雪
Age: *-* 17 *-*
Gender: *-* Female *-*
Zodiac Sign: *-* Capricorn *-*
Birthday: *-* 1st January *-*
School: *-* MacPherson Sec *-*
Occupation: *-* Student *-*
Affiliations: *-* Free Tinker *-*
Current Status: *-* Single *-*

-Her Romeo

-Hobbies and Interests:
Chatting, Shopping, Listening To People's Troubles, Watching Anime, Day Dream, Listening To Music, Drawing, Singing, Dancing, Being Very Happy, Swimming, Sight Seeing, Happy-Go-Lucky

-Favorite Animals:
Panda, Baby Seals, Penguins, Dolphins, Killer Whale, Dogs

-Favorite Books:
Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Birthing House, Madly Murderous, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship

-Favorite Movies:
Horror Movies, Saddist Movies & Comedies
Those movies that will carve deep in my memories. As long as they are good movies I like them.

-Favorite Music:
Hip-Hop, Pop, Rap, R&B & Classical

-Favorite Shows:
Drama:
Fated To Love You （命中注定我爱你）， Corner With Love （转角遇到爱）， Devil Beside You （恶魔在身边）， Why Why Love （换换爱）， The Clue Collector (霹靂MIT), Black Sugar Macchiato （黑糖马奇朵）, Hana Kimi - Japanese Version （花样少年少女）

Japanese Anime:
Chrno Crusade, Tsukuyomi Moon Phase, Maboraho, Mahoraba, Ichigi100%, Card Captor Sakura, Chobits, Kyou Kara Maou, Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Ouran High School Host Club, Aishiteruze Baby, Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu, Ai Yori Aoshi, Magister Negi Magi Mahou Sensei Negima, Fruits Basket, Hand Maid May, Love Hina, DearS, Koi Kaze, Death Note, Tsubasa Chronicals, XXXHolic, High School Girls, School Days, Yamato Nadesico Shichihenge, Sumomo Mo Momo Mo, Gakuen Alice, Suzuka, Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch, Shakugan No Shana, Rozen Maiden, Strawberry Panic, Inukami, Shuffle! Memories, kamichama karin, Beating Angel Dokuro-chan, Demonbane, Futakoi Alternative, Avatar The Last Air Bender, Devil May Cry, Kimikiss Pure Rouge, Rosario + Vampire, Vampire Knight, D.Gray-Man, Elfen Lied, Trinity Blood, School Days, Jigoku Shoujo, Blood+

-Boring Movies
-Boring Books
-People Who Backstabs
-People Who Breaks Promises
-People Who Lies
-People Who Acts Nice

-Pass O'level with good grades
-Get into Laselle
-Be a sucessful fashion designer
-Learn interior designing also
-Earning large sum of money
-Go Japan, Paris, USA, Canada
-Buy a silver convertable Volvo and house
-Design my own house
-Have a long drive through coniferous forest roads
-Forever remain SFF with Bryan
-Be with him for a very long time
-Remain Happy Go Lucky Always
-Live a healthy lifestyle, Mentally Socially and Physically

-Life Is Like A Block Of Wood, Plain, Boring, Square And Down To Earth. However If You Believe In It, In Yourself, You Actually Can Achieve Something Magical, Unexpected and Unimaginable.
-Hard Work, Integrity, Enthusiasm, Perserverence, Good Luck & Determination Is The Key To Sucess And Dreams.
-There are things in life that are inevitable. Though it's tough and avoiding always seems the only solution. The real truth is facing it will make it better.
-Never Let Small Matters Bring You Down, Never Give Up Just Because You Think You Can't.
-NEVER Cherish People Who Doesn't Cherish You.
-As Time Goes By, You Learn Things That You Can Never Learn From Books Or From School.
-Work Hard To Persuit Your Own Happiness And Future.
-Never Let Anyone Stop You From Doing What's Right, What You Like or Best At.
-Only Allow Guys Similar to Edward Cullen, Or Better, To Be With You.
-Everyday, Happy Go Lucky.

A Girl Can Dream You Know?

-So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're willing to give up everyhting. It's not the end, it's the beginning.

-"It's twilight," Edward noted. "It's the safest time for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" "I like the night," Bella replied. "Without the dark, we'd never see the stars."

-When You Can Live Forever, What Do You Live For?

-Nothing Will Be The Same.

May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009

♪ Vampire's Rose.. ♪
♪ My Friendster Profile ♪

♀ Ai Ling ♫ Akiko
♀ Alia
♀ Alicer ♫ Yuko
♂ Aloysius ♫ Aloy
♀ Amy
♀ Angela
♂ Bryan Chung ♫ SFF!
♂ Bryan Tan
♂ Chandra
♀ Chin Gek ♫ Kizuko
♀ Geraldine
♀ Hui Juan
♂ Jason ♫ Potato
♀ Jerolyn ♫ Jelly
♀ Jia Ming
♀ Ka Khay
♀ Lenise
♂ Lester
♀ Lindsey
♀ Li Rong ♫ Leh Long
♀ Li Rong ♫ Leron
♀ Miisha
♀ Shi Ting
♀ Shu Hui
♀ Shu Yi
♀ Siew Hwee
♀ Su Yi ♫ Su Ni (Mash Potato)
♀ Vivien
♀ Yeok Hoon ♫ Yeok Yeok
♀ Yi Jie ♫ Xiao Extra

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