On Sunday, I went to Plaza Singapura with my dad and we ate at Ichiban Sushi.





Front View

Hazel Nut Cake! (I only ate a little bit from this slice because it's Bryan's)

Then Bryan and Juliet sang me a birthday song!

Hehe then after that we went to walk around to shop for present for Bryan's gan mei.

After I reach home which is about 7 or 7 plus pm, I start to feel giddy and when I was about to rest, my mother called and ask me go down because she is going to fetch me to my dance class.

During lesson I really feel like dying, after reaching home, I just washed my face and I took my temperature.

It's about 39 degree Celsius so I went to bed.

Till now I'm still having fever but it's about 38 degrees Celsius only.

Today I had class, my class is from 5-6pm and his is from 6-7pm.


From morning till before I went out, I cried 4 times..


Also I iron(steam) my clothes and I think of him and the steam from the steamer goes right to my thumb, that's how I burnt my thumb.


After reaching studio, I almost have no energy already because I didnt eat my dinner yesterday and today whole day but I tried my best to concentrate in that class to take my mind off him.


End up I see him come in and my tears nearly came out then I rolled my eyes to make the tears go back.


Then after my class ended, I couldn't take it anymore because it's like watching the one you love having fun in class but it's not with you..


What I ment is like looking as his look like as though nothing happened just pisses me off..


Then I couldn't take it then I went out 1st time to call my mei then I cried outside the studio.


Afterwards the 2nd time when I couldn't take it I ran into the toilet and called Chanel..


Then I went back into the studio..


I am so tired from all the crying and I just have no appetite to eat..


What I had for lunch is 2 Fruties (2 as in just the sweet not the tube), 1 chocolate for dinner and 1 small bowl of soup for dinner.


I just have no appetite, I also dont drink much water and I cant sleep well..


I am so tired..

I cried again..


I cannot hold back my tears anymore..


It just hurts so bad knowing the guy I love a lot is no longer with me..


I also cannot know what he thinks and what he is doing already..


I really want to know does he still love me and will he hold onto the love he have for me till he is ready to have a relationship agian?


Or will he just give up the love he have for me and by the time he is ready to have a relationship he will find a much more better girl than me..


I keep stopping myself from thinking these but it just runs through my mind automatically.


My head hurts because I kept crying and crying till I cant eat well, I cant sleep well and I hardly drink water..


Everything I did is always reminding of the times we spent together.


I feel like this has turned into a 1 sided love..

It's a Saturday, I have to look at him..


I have no choice because I have class.


But I will always show a smile because I am just the kind of girl that is hurt yet still smile.


Well, maybe some times lol..


I didn't sleep well again, keep waking up in the middle of the night and when I went back to sleep, images of him just pop right into my head then I hurry think of Bryan.


LOL then I went back to sleep.


This process just keeps repeating and repeating..


So painful..


My heart is aching but I will take it as that person no longer care for me, no longer want me and rather take the easy way out than solve what is the problem.


Ya, this pain is only gonna hurt like about few months but the love I have for him is irreplaceable.


Tomorrow there is this hiking thingy hosted by his mother, I guess I am not going..


It's just painful seeing the person you love and you know better you can't be together.


Being his friend will just takes time because for me it is just impossible for me to see a person I really love, flirting with another girl and not be able to do anything because we are just friends.


I want to tell him things but it's like almost impossible.


I wanted to talk to him nicely but all I can think of is what a bastard he is for dumping me then I started to scold him vulgar.


I can say I feel very shiok in front of people but I know better it's not.


I think it will take months or even years..


I thought I found a nice guy who really loves me but turns out he just let go of me just like a snap.


I can hold onto a small hope that we will be together again someday but most probably that will take years.


Also, once he found a new girl by then I will have to let him go totally then I will stay single till my working days.


Sounds stupid I know but because Wei Jie is the best guy I ever met.


Bryan is also a very awsome guy but I rather we stay as friends because some times it is just ment to be.


No no, he is my SPECIAL friend, always there for me. =D


I hope I got the chance to tell Wei Jie about my thought but those thoughts is just going to have to wait for a few months.

I keep having the feeling of crying but I am holding back my tears...


I from yesterday night cry till morning then did not sleep because I want to wait for him to wake up and give me an answer but still so negative.


End up went to Bryan house thought after seeing my 4 years special friend, not best but special, I will not cry.


But after awhile I started crying as though there are no tomorrow even when he on comedy shows.


After Bryan see me cry until like there is no tomorrow, he console me and told me a lot of stuff.


Haiz...


Break already then break already can never go back because for me, there is no such thing as patch.


That's why I cried so badly because I know even one day he want me back I wont have the same special feeling for him already and end up the ending will still be the same, a failure.


Thanks Bryan for the Fruitie by the way lol..


When I was on my way to the studio I told my sister how I felt and I said "I really don't understand, I be with him of course got good and bad times. I am just not happy because a lot of times I tried to get serious and he still plays around but others like the time we spent and joked around, it's actually fun and very happy.."


Then she is like "WHAT THE HELL?! U NOW THEN SAY THIS?!"


Then I'm like "huh?"


Then she said "did u tell him this?!"


Then I said "no?"


Then she asked "why don't want to say?"


Then I said "don't know?"


Haha... My bad habit again.. Talk always talk half-way..


I'm weird huh?


lol...


Anyway, this is life and I still have to move on.


Previous Relationship's lesson - Always break up with the guy when he starts to treat you cold.
This relationship's lesson learnt - Never invest so much effort and love to a guy, Never believe guys whenever they say "I will not break with you and we will last till we are on our deathbeds" and I am so glad I have Bryan, a shoulder to cry on, every time I need someone.

Im blogging the second time again because I am at Bryan's house.


He talked a lot to me and comforted to me and gave me very nice songs to listen to.


I really guess I have to move on, like it or not this is life.


I will take quite awhile to get over him and best is totally forget the love I have for him since he so insist on breaking up and I guess the main real reason is something he didn't tell me, but still I have to move on.


"Even though I really love you but I will smile because I deserve to. It will all get better in time"


Yup yup...


I think I will not be attached for a very long time because I know better out of so many guys i met Wei Jie is the best guy I have ever met already.


Being with him, yes a lot of times I am unhappy because when it is time to get serious he just always plays around.


But yes, at times when he joke with me and I joke back I have fun.


Well, Bryan comforted me and he keep telling me a lot of stuff and he showed me some shows like SurvivalMan or something de.


Then also some comedy video clips from youtube.


I felt much better already.


I guess me and someone have to jia you on forgetting someone we really liked.


JIA YOU! WE CAN DO IT!


Oh! and before I left my house I threw the photoframe, the necklace, the black colour teddy bear and our couple pouch into the rubbish bin.


I guess I wont be needing them anymore.


JIA YOU to those who is heart broken!


JIA YOU!

Wei jie dumped me..


I love him so much end up he say break then break..


I really do not understand why he can let go of me so easily.


It's just not possible for me to be friends back with my ex boyfriend..


It is just not possible for me..


Why does this always have to me..


I had very high hopes of being very long with him together.


I really willing to stay faithful and wait for him till after his N'levels but I really don't understand why can't this work?


I asked a lot of people and they say if they love someone they will not be so dumb to beak up for some reason and still will stay strong with someone they love.


I just really don't understand why he is doing this to me.


When I asked him does he still love me and he said because he love me that is why he have to leave me.


But I really don't understand!!


If he love me he will hold onto me very tight and never let go.


It is just very impossible for me to be friends with my ex because I am and never were friends with my ex.


We stay in contact but it is just weird because you once hold this person's hand and now whenever you go out with you can never hold his hand again and everything is just different already...


But he so insist on breaking up what can I do?


My guess is he don't love me already but he just don't want to tell me.


Wei Jie I demand a clear explanation!!


I HATE YOU!

I keep having the feeling that he no longer love me as much as the first few weeks we together.


He is never serious when I tried talking to him.


He keeps joking around but at time I did joke back with him..


I just feels that our relationship is falling apart and I don't know how to fix it because I feel that I am the only one trying to put the relationship back.


He doesn't understand me, know what I want and what I need.


I didn't hint him what I want and what I need but I still tell him what I want and what I need.


Yet he still doesn't know..


I don't know how to mend this relationship already..


I feel like I'm really doing all the work while he, doesn't know what to do, just stood there and stare..

I guess the main problem lies with me..


I am not a very good girlfriend after all...

This just happened not long ago..


I didn't know why I suddenly got all emotional and I started to tell Wei Jie about how I feel about our relationship..


I asked him a lot of questions and a lot of them the answer is not what I expected.


I was dissapointed and I cried a lot.


I also don't know how to explain it but just that our relationship is now on a thin thread..


I asked him what if I break up with him now and he just said "then like that lor, still can what?"


It's like as though he no longer cares for me..


Why will it turn out this way?


I dont understand..


I really love him very much but being with him...


I don't feel any happiness at all...

Yesterday was the most tired day ever.


After moving out stuff from 3 cupboards to the floor, i wiped the cupboards and those display stuff in my room and books that are dusty.


After my mother reached home, we moved my new wardrobe in my room.


The wardrobe is super heavy and 3 people is needed to carry it.


So my mother, uncle and I moved it in my room.


I was so tired and it was late so I didn't pack things in the cupboard yet.


Till today I have to keep them because some reasons.


Then I was so angry today!!


I asked my sister to help me with the moving of books and stuff back into the cupboard then as soon as we move it back then she can just vacuum the whole house.


When I asked her nicely the first time she didn't have any response, I asked her again and when she was about to walk in my room she say she wanna go toilet.


So I went back my room to clean it then i realised what's taking her so long...


End up I walked out of my room and I see her sitting at the sofa watching tv.


At that moment I regretted telling my gan mei say my sister dotes me a lot and always willing to help me when I need her help.


Today the reason why I have to keep my room in such a hurry is also because of her. (cant say what is it)


I was so mad at her but I just kept it to myself at first.


Afterwards I asked her is she going to help me vacuum my room and she said "no!"


This makes me more pissed and my point of view is like "FINE U DON'T WANT TO HELP ME NEXT TIME U NEED MY HELP I WONT HELP U!" meanwhile I went to take vacuum and vacuum my room myself.


Then I was vacuuming my room halfway through, she came in my room and asked for MY colour pens.


Then I shouted at her "YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HELP ME WHEN I "NEED" YOUR HELP NOT "WANT" YOUR HELP BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HELP! NOW U ASKING ME FOR MY COLOUR PENS?! I SO REGRET TELLING MY FRIEND HOW GOOD YOU ARE. I TOLD HER YOU ARE A VERY GOOD SISTER WHO DOTES ON ME AND ALWAYS HELPING ME WHEN I NEED HELP. I TAKE THOSE BACK!!!"


Then I know what she was going to say, she will say "YOU KNOW HOW TIRED I AM? MY HOLIDAY LIKE NOT HOLIDAY! BLAH BLAH BLAH IM TIRED IM SO TIRED!"


OH PLEASE?! NOTHING NEW TO SAY?! JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE TIRED DOSEN'T MEAN YOU DONT HELP YOUR OWN BLOOD RELATED SISTER ISNT IT?!


Then she yell back at me "I DONT WANT TO HELP YOU BECAUSE YOU OVER RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE TO DO STUFF FOR U!" and my point of view was "YEAH RIGHT! AND HOW MANY TIMES U CLEANED THE HOUSE? I CLEANED SECRETLY YOU ALSO DONT KNOW. I WASH MY DOG HOW MANY TIMES? I CLEANED UP MY ROOM HOW MANY TIMES? AND WHAT?! U CLEANED ONLY ONCE AND U ARE COMPLAINING YOU ARE TIRED?! YA SO WHAT I HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME THAN YOU. YOU ARE TIRED THEN YOU CAN DONT DO STUFF THEN I AM TIRED NOW SO I DONT CLEAN THE HOUSE FOR YOUR STUPID THING LA!! SUCH SMALL MATTER MAKE IT TILL SO BIG! MUST CLEAN WHOLE HOUSE. **** *** *****!!!!"


Then we quarreled..


Now, I start to hate her more and more.


Slowly some day I will totally hate her..

Today I had a bad day..


Had a little aregument with Wei Jie again.


I very dissapointed with him... (I don't feel like saying it out)


That's all.

Once, there was a black rose..
It wasn't as beautiful as the other red roses..
Even though it's the only black rose,
nobody seemed to notice it..

The black rose just stood there,
wasting all its remaining life away..

Nobody sees it..
Nobody watered it..
Even the sun wouldn't shine for it..
It was left alone in the darkness..

Slowly...
The petals fell..
The rose wither..

The delicate black rose never spoke a word..
Always trying to hide its flaws..
Always trying to blend in with the red roses..
Still..
It is always being ostracized..
Alone..
Outcast..
Invisible..

Shockingly..
People start noticing the black rose.
A bud start to grow from the stalk..
The bud grew into a new beautiful black rose.
This time, the sun shone brightly for the black rose.
Making it the most beautiful and outstanding one.
Not by the beauty from its physiques..
But from its inner self..

Art Is My Life, Designing Is My Passion, Success Is My Future, Happiness WILL Last Till My Twilight Years

Name: *-* Crystal Chan *-*
Nick: Shirayuki Mizuki, 瑞希 白雪
Age: *-* 17 *-*
Gender: *-* Female *-*
Zodiac Sign: *-* Capricorn *-*
Birthday: *-* 1st January *-*
School: *-* MacPherson Sec *-*
Occupation: *-* Student *-*
Affiliations: *-* Free Tinker *-*
Current Status: *-* Single *-*

-Her Romeo

-Hobbies and Interests:
Chatting, Shopping, Listening To People's Troubles, Watching Anime, Day Dream, Listening To Music, Drawing, Singing, Dancing, Being Very Happy, Swimming, Sight Seeing, Happy-Go-Lucky

-Favorite Animals:
Panda, Baby Seals, Penguins, Dolphins, Killer Whale, Dogs

-Favorite Books:
Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, Birthing House, Madly Murderous, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on Love & Friendship

-Favorite Movies:
Horror Movies, Saddist Movies & Comedies
Those movies that will carve deep in my memories. As long as they are good movies I like them.

-Favorite Music:
Hip-Hop, Pop, Rap, R&B & Classical

-Favorite Shows:
Drama:
Fated To Love You （命中注定我爱你）， Corner With Love （转角遇到爱）， Devil Beside You （恶魔在身边）， Why Why Love （换换爱）， The Clue Collector (霹靂MIT), Black Sugar Macchiato （黑糖马奇朵）, Hana Kimi - Japanese Version （花样少年少女）

Japanese Anime:
Chrno Crusade, Tsukuyomi Moon Phase, Maboraho, Mahoraba, Ichigi100%, Card Captor Sakura, Chobits, Kyou Kara Maou, Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Ouran High School Host Club, Aishiteruze Baby, Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu, Ai Yori Aoshi, Magister Negi Magi Mahou Sensei Negima, Fruits Basket, Hand Maid May, Love Hina, DearS, Koi Kaze, Death Note, Tsubasa Chronicals, XXXHolic, High School Girls, School Days, Yamato Nadesico Shichihenge, Sumomo Mo Momo Mo, Gakuen Alice, Suzuka, Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch, Shakugan No Shana, Rozen Maiden, Strawberry Panic, Inukami, Shuffle! Memories, kamichama karin, Beating Angel Dokuro-chan, Demonbane, Futakoi Alternative, Avatar The Last Air Bender, Devil May Cry, Kimikiss Pure Rouge, Rosario + Vampire, Vampire Knight, D.Gray-Man, Elfen Lied, Trinity Blood, School Days, Jigoku Shoujo, Blood+

-Boring Movies
-Boring Books
-People Who Backstabs
-People Who Breaks Promises
-People Who Lies
-People Who Acts Nice

-Pass O'level with good grades
-Get into Laselle
-Be a sucessful fashion designer
-Learn interior designing also
-Earning large sum of money
-Go Japan, Paris, USA, Canada
-Buy a silver convertable Volvo and house
-Design my own house
-Have a long drive through coniferous forest roads
-Forever remain SFF with Bryan
-Be with him for a very long time
-Remain Happy Go Lucky Always
-Live a healthy lifestyle, Mentally Socially and Physically

-Life Is Like A Block Of Wood, Plain, Boring, Square And Down To Earth. However If You Believe In It, In Yourself, You Actually Can Achieve Something Magical, Unexpected and Unimaginable.
-Hard Work, Integrity, Enthusiasm, Perserverence, Good Luck & Determination Is The Key To Sucess And Dreams.
-There are things in life that are inevitable. Though it's tough and avoiding always seems the only solution. The real truth is facing it will make it better.
-Never Let Small Matters Bring You Down, Never Give Up Just Because You Think You Can't.
-NEVER Cherish People Who Doesn't Cherish You.
-As Time Goes By, You Learn Things That You Can Never Learn From Books Or From School.
-Work Hard To Persuit Your Own Happiness And Future.
-Never Let Anyone Stop You From Doing What's Right, What You Like or Best At.
-Only Allow Guys Similar to Edward Cullen, Or Better, To Be With You.
-Everyday, Happy Go Lucky.

A Girl Can Dream You Know?

-So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're willing to give up everyhting. It's not the end, it's the beginning.

-"It's twilight," Edward noted. "It's the safest time for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way... the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" "I like the night," Bella replied. "Without the dark, we'd never see the stars."

-When You Can Live Forever, What Do You Live For?

-Nothing Will Be The Same.

May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009

♪ Vampire's Rose.. ♪
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♀ Ai Ling ♫ Akiko
♀ Alia
♀ Alicer ♫ Yuko
♂ Aloysius ♫ Aloy
♀ Amy
♀ Angela
♂ Bryan Chung ♫ SFF!
♂ Bryan Tan
♂ Chandra
♀ Chin Gek ♫ Kizuko
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♀ Hui Juan
♂ Jason ♫ Potato
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♀ Su Yi ♫ Su Ni (Mash Potato)
♀ Vivien
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♀ Yi Jie ♫ Xiao Extra

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